Webinar: Building Independence Through Routines

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Presenters: Paula Hermano (Director of Programs, Montessori Schools) and Dr. Ashley Morris (Executive Director, Montessori Schools)

Welcome and Introductions

Hello everyone. Welcome to today’s webinar, building independence through routines.

I’m Paula Hermano, director of programs for Montessori schools with 20 years of experience planning infant toddler programs, early childhood education, teacher training and educational leadership. I’m excited to facilitate this session today and partnering with me in this session is Dr. Ashley.

Hi, I’m Ashley Morris, executive director of Montessori Schools with 22 years of experience in teacher leadership and early childhood.

We’re so glad you’re here with us today. Over the next 30 minutes, we’re going to explore how simple, consistent routines can transform your family’s daily life from chaotic mornings to peaceful bedtimes. And we’ll leave time at the end for a few qu few questions.

What You Will Learn Today

By the end of our time together today, you’ll be able to first recognize how routines reduce stress and build confidence, not just for your children, but for you as parents, too.

Second, create practical, sustainable routines across those key daily moments, mornings, meal times, cleanup, and bedtime.

And third, support your child’s growing independence through intentional modeling and what we call gradual release of responsibility.

These three outcomes are what we’ll focus on today. And we’ve designed a take-home action plan to help you put this into practice right away.

Dr. Ashley will talk about more of the science of routine.

The Science of Routines

Thanks, Paula. Yes. Let’s start with the science.

So, why do routines matter so much for young children? Here’s something incredible. Babies are born with 100 billion neurons. That’s the most that they will ever have. Over the first few years of life, as children experience their world, these neural connections are pruned down to the most useful and important pathways. This is where routines come in, predictable, repeated experiences strengthen these neural pathways and literally shape how the brain develops. When we provide consistent routines, we’re helping our children’s brain organize information, manage emotions, and navigate the world around them with greater ease. Routines allow repetition and consistency in the child’s environment. When you have the same order of things in the morning, like diaper change, clothes change, breakfast, etc., this allows the body to provide faster neural networks to the things that they do all the time. Providing children with consistency and repetition of activities allow these pathways, communication and ability to become faster and faster.

One fun thing I like to point out when I teach child development is the neuron itself. If you look at the image on the screen, this is an illustration of a neuron and the message or communication gets passed down like the game of telephone from one nerve to the next. The pink cylinders on the axon are called the myelin sheath which is a fatty substance. As you practice something over and over again, these fatty substance grows becomes grows and becomes thicker and it allows the message to pass through more quickly and efficiently.

Research from organizations like 0 to3 and the child mind institute confirm that predictable routines provide emotional regulation, focus, and even promote better sleep. So when we talk about routines, we’re not just talking about convenience. We’re talking about brain architecture.

Executive Function

Now let’s talk about executive function. You might have heard this term before. It refers to a set of mental skills that help us plan, focus, attend, remember instructions, and manage multiple tasks. These skills include working memory, holding information in mind while using it. Inhibition, the ability to pause before acting, or self-control. planning and organization, attention and focus, cognitive flexibility is adapting when things change, problem solving, reasoning, and ability to initiate tasks.

All of these skills are strengthened through routines. When a child knows what comes next, they can plan ahead. And when they practice a routine repeatedly, they build working memory. When they learn to wait their turn at the table or transition from play to cleanup, they’re exercising inhibition and flexibility.

The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard emphasizes that executive function skills are more important for school readiness than IQ. And the great news is routines are one of the most effective ways to build these skills at home.

Everyday Benefits of Routines

So, what does all this mean for your family? Here are the real everyday benefits. First, routines reduce stress for both parent and child. When everybody knows what to expect, there’s less negotiation, less conflict, and more cooperation.

Second, routines build lifelong habits. The independence and self-regulation your child develops now will serve them throughout their lives, in school, in relationships, and in their future work.

Third, routines foster confidence. When children can successfully complete tasks on their own, their self-esteem grows. They think, “I can do this. I’m capable.”

And finally, routines help children understand and navigate the world. Predictability creates a sense of safety, which allows children to explore, learn, and take risks. So, routines aren’t about rigidity or control. They’re actually about creating conditions for your child to thrive.

Four Key Foundations

Okay. Thank you, Dr. Ashley. Now that we understand why routines matter, let’s talk about how to build them effectively. There are four key foundation. Consistency and flexibility, a prepared environment, relationship and engagement, and creating a family rhythm.

Consistency and Flexibility

First, consistency. When routines are predictable, children feel secure. They understand what’s expected and can anticipate what comes next. Consistency helps children understand transitions like moving from playtime to meal time and it gives them tools to navigate their world with ease. Think of consistency as the foundation. It what makes everything else possible.

Now structure is key but routines can’t be rigid. Children’s needs shift and when we allow for flexibility we support emotional growth and resilience. We recommend developing developing the habit of observing your child and responding to what they need in the moment.

Let me give you a quick example. It’s bedtime, but your child is midway through building block towers. A rigid response might be, “It’s bedtime now. Come on up. Put the blocks away and no whining.” But instead, you could say, “I see you’re working hard on that. Let’s take a picture so you can continue tomorrow. You can have five more minutes, then we’ll start bedtime together. This response shows empathy. You’re tuning in into how they feel. Flexibility with boundaries. You provided an extension and bedtime still happens. Collaboration as you problem solve together. And you know, when routines are rooted in connection, children are far more likely to cooperate and feel safe doing so.

The American Montasauri Society emphasizes that when we balance structure with respect for the child’s individual needs, we foster both independence and trust.

The Prepared Environment

The third foundation is the prepared environment. A prepared environment supports independence and smoother routines without you needing to prompt every single step. Everything has a place and it’s accessible to the child. This invites children to participate in getting dressed, choosing books, or cleaning up because the space is assigned to support their independence.

For example, clothes are stored in low drawers that your child can reach. Dishes and utensils are on a low shelf in the kitchen. Police have designated bins or basket that are clearly labeled. When we organize our homes this way, we remove barriers and empower our children to participate fully in their own routines.

Relationship and Engagement

And finally, a relationship. This is the heart of everything. The 0ero to3 organization reminds us that routines provide two key ingredients for learning. Relationships and repetition. Routines aren’t just about efficiency. They’re opportunities for connection. When you brush teeth together, read bedtime stories, or prepare breakfast side by side, you’re building trust and emotional bonds. Children cooperate not because they have to, but because they feel connected to you.

Creating a Family Rhythm

Now, let’s talk about creating a rhythm that works for your unique family. Every family is different and your routine should reflect your child’s natural energy levels and your family’s needs.

Start by identifying transitions. So why does this matter? Because transitions during that time that is the often that’s the point where friction or stress builds. So planning around them can make the whole day smoother.

Observe when your child is naturally cooperative and when they tend to resist. Notice their energy levels throughout the day. Even just naming those transition moments helps you see where your child might need extra support.

Once you’ve identified those transitions, try time blocking. Break down your routine into mini blocks. wake up, dress up, taking your school bags, and then eating and then leaving. Time each block over a few days to learn your child’s natural pace. Some children move quickly in the morning, and others need more time to wake up. Add a buffer time to reduce stress. If it takes your child 10 minutes to get dressed, plan for 15 minutes. And post a visual schedule to support consistency.

The key is to adjust based on your child’s age and rhythm. What works for a 2-year-old may not work for a 5-year-old, and that’s okay.

Finally, involve your children in planning for ownership and engagement. When children feel like they’re contributing, they’re much more likely to cooperate. You can ask for input. For example, after school, if playtime is part of your after school routine, you can ask, “Would you rather go to the playground or play trains at home?” That’s a very good example.

Practical Routines

Mornings

And let’s get practical. Let’s walk through morning routines, meal times, clean up, and bedtime, and talk about specific strategies you can use starting today.

Let’s talk about mornings. A smooth morning actually begins the night before. Think of it like laying out stepping stones that your child can follow.

Dr. Becky Kennedy recommends laying out clothes and packing the school bag the night before to help streamline the morning. So, try to prepare clothes and school items the night before. Your older children can even take part in preparing these items. For younger ones, offer two outfits so your child gets to choose in the morning. This reduces arguments and encourages autonomy.

Create a launch pad. Have a designated spot for shoes, bags, and outer words so your child knows where things go. Keep breakfast simple. Choose a few reliable go-to meals and rotate them. The more you can automate and prepare, the less you need to think in the rush of the morning.

Visual cues, auditory cues, setting up spaces, and offering simple choices support children’s inner developmental drive. From birth to age six, children are in the absorbent mind stage. They learn tremendously through sensory experience and observation, not solely through verbal instruction. So, visual cues, auditory cues, consistent routines, and simple choices help meet this developmental need and support emotional regulation.

As you prepare clothes, pack bags, or plan breakfast, pay attention to which sensory cues engage your child, visual, auditory, or tactile. These small insights can make daily routine smoother and more effective. Here are the example of a simple morning visual checklist. Pictures help even very young children understand the sequence and feel capable of following it independently.

Meal Times

Next, let’s talk about meal times. Meal time routines are are about more than just eating. They’re opportunities to build independence, fine motor skills, and social connection. So focus on meal meal setup that invites participation sensory experiences like visual cues songs and your calm voice modeling eating behaviors and age appropriate independence. So let’s break this down by age.

For infants starting solids, look for signs of readiness, setting up with head control, and showing interest in food. And of course, always follow your pediatrician’s guidance alongside your own daily observation.

Consider using a weaning table. These are low tables and chairs sized for infants or young toddlers, allowing them to sit and exit independently. It supports confidence and helps them understand meal time routines in a concrete developmental way. model chewing, pacing, and hand use. Offer small, soft pieces for safe exploration. Remember, this stage is as much about learning as it is about nutrition.

For toddlers and older children, set up your environment to invite participation. Place a shelf or cabinet with utensils and dishes at your child’s level. Invite children to help set the table. This builds a sense of ownership and responsibility.

As your child’s coordination grows, invite them into simple food preparation. They can peel bananas, cut strawberries with a child child’s safe knife, or squeeze oranges. These are real tasks with real outcomes. Children love being trusted with grownup work. So, and that that is scaled to their abilities. So food prep builds fine motor skills, supports sequencing and concentration and offers the natural opportunity to build language and connection through shared experience.

It also helps children develop a deeper connection to food, where it grows, how it’s prepared, and why it helps our bodies stay healthy. These conversation turn everyday routines into meaningful learning.

You can also make meal times enjoyable by trying family style dining. Let’s let let children serve themselves and others. This builds independence and social skills. When children are involved in the process, they’re more invested in the outcome.

And here’s an important reminder. Mess equals learning. Practice makes progress. Celebrate effort over perfection. The spilled milk is okay. It’s part of the learning process. Even this cute little baby here with a spaghetti spaghetti on his head. It’s okay. Mess is okay.

Cleanup

Give your child real tools for cleanup. So that’s, you know, mini mop, towel, or broom. Children love real meaningful work. When they can participate in cleanup, they feel capable and responsible.

Keep toys simple and rotated. When there are fewer toys out at once, clean up feels less overwhelming. Make sure each item has a home, a basket, a bin, or designated spot on a shelf. This makes cleanup easier and helps children develop organizational skills.

When children has a place or I mean when everything has a place, every item has a home, children can put things can put things away independently without constant prompting from you.

Bedtime

Now let’s talk about bedtime. The child mind institute notes that a soothing evening routine promotes better sleep and emotional regulation.

So focus on soothing the senses, steamed lights, quiet voices, soft textures, calming rituals like warm bath, reading a story, and cuddle. Those are consistent. If those are consistent and calm down and you have a calm down sequence in the same order every night, it will help your child understand that it’s time to rest.

creating calm closures to the day. Those activities like warm bath self safe calming sense designed for children, reading a story and soft music calm the nervous system. Child- friendly meditation or breathing exercise can help further reduce stress and promote peaceful sleep. Having these activities as part of the evening routine helps your child’s body understand it’s time to rest. It’s time to calm down.

Model, Collaborate, Step Back

There there is a three-step progression that we use. It’s called model, collaborate, and step back.

Step one is modeling. Let me show you. Or look, watch me. You can demonstrate the task. Show your child how to do it slowly and clearly.

Step two, collaborating. You can say, “Let’s do it together.” Or say, “I’m here beside you. I can help.” You work alongside your child. You provide support as needed, but they’re actually actively involved.

And then step three, that’s when you step back. You can say, “Your turn. You can do it.” This is where independence happens. You allow your child to do it themselves. You step in only if truly needed. This is the gradual release of responsibility.

Over time, your child internalizes the skill and the confidence to do it on their own. Aid to life emphasizes that this progression respects the child’s developmental readiness while gently stretching their capability.

Practical Tools

Here are some practical tools to support your routines. Visual schedules and routine cards help children know what comes next. Timers, scent timers, or visual timers make wait time concrete. Fun songs mark transitions and make routines enjoyable.

Choice within limits. You can say, “Do you want to brush your teeth before or after pajamas?” This gives children autonomy within structure and positive language. You can focus on let’s do it or what the child should be doing at that moment instead of no no or don’t do that. And always acknowledge efforts and progress, not just perfection.

When It’s Hard

Now, time to for Dr. Ashley to talk about those struggles and challenges.

Now, let’s be real. Even with the best routines, there are going to be hard days. So, what do we do when our children can’t go with the flow?

First, we want to understand the resistance. Young children resist when they feel a lack of control or are overwhelmed. The Child Mind Institute reminds us that tantrums are symptoms that a child is struggling with emotions they can’t regulate.

So, how do we respond? Connect first, then redirect. Acknowledge their feelings before trying to solve the problem. Validate their emotions. I see you’re upset. I’m here to help.

You want to try to stay flexible, but retain boundaries. You can adapt how something happens, but the boundary remains the same. For example, bedtime still happens, maybe just with 5 minutes of extra grace.

And remember, progress over perfection. Some days are going to be harder than others, and that’s okay. You’re building skills for life, not demanding perfection today. And just because a child might be having a hard time doesn’t mean that the routine isn’t working.

When we lead with empathy and connection, children will feel safe and they’re much more likely to cooperate.

Summary and Action Plan

So in summary, routines support brain architecture and emotional regulation. They strengthen executive function skills and help children navigate the world with confidence. Start small. You don’t need to overhaul everything all at once. You can pick one routine, maybe mornings or bedtime, and focus there. Stay flexible. Observe your child and adjust as needed. Celebrate progress. Every small step forward is a win. And remember the three-step progression. Model, collaborate, step back.

We’ve created a take-home action plan for you and it guides you through three steps. First, observe your children’s or your child’s natural rhythm. Notice what feels smooth versus chaotic, when they’re cooperative versus resistant, and what cues already help with transitions. Then design your routine based on what you observed. And finally, implement and reflect. Notice what’s working and what needs tweaking. This is a process, not a one-time fix. Be patient with yourself and with your child.

All of the research and recommend recommendations we’ve shared today are grounded in evidence from trusted organizations like 0 to3 the child mind institute the center of the developing child at Harvard the American monastery society and aid to life you’ll receive a copy of these references along with the recording of this session in a follow-up email

Q&A

We have a few minutes or questions we have a few that we’re going to address that were submitted beforehand, but please feel free to find the chat and type any questions you have and we will definitely address them in a follow-up email.

Question: Routines with different ages at the same time

Paula, I’ll ask you the first question. What’s the best way to do this? Referring to routines with different ages at the same time. Example, 5 years old and 2 and a half years old.

Yeah, that’s a good question. I know many of you have multiple children. So yeah, managing multiple ages is def definitely a challenge, but it’s absolutely doable with a few strategies. First, that time blocking that we discussed, you know, it that becomes even more important. Map out your routine so you can see where the children’s needs overlap and where they diverge. Use your action plan and journal to track what’s working.

You might notice patterns like your 2 and 1 half-year-old needs more transition time while your 5-year-old can move faster. So, visual cues work beautifully for both ages. Your 2 and 1 half yearear-old benefit from picture schedules, and your 5-year-old can help create them, or even the pictures for the 5-year-old can have a little challenge, like short words there if your 5-year-old is starting to read.

And here’s the magic. Encourage your 5-year-old 5-year-old’s leadership skills. Have them model tasks. Invite your child. You show your your brother, your sister, you know, like brushing teeth together or setting the table. This gives your older child purpose and helps your younger one learn through observation. Your 5-year-old can also collaborate with you on the task the two and a halfyear-old isn’t ready yet, like packing the backpack or choosing clothes independently. That really honors where each child is developmentally.

The key is giving each child what they need while involving them both in family rhythm. And actually I can um pass you pass the next question to you.

Question: Kids asking for help with things they can do

Here’s the question. Both my boy my boys ages three and five and a half are so capable but sometimes ask for help with things they have done independently millions of times like going to potty, brushing teeth, getting dressed, grabbing a tie item, etc. I’m watching for patterns, but wonder if they do it when they’re in need of more attention or we need to be more consistent with boundaries and routines. I know that independence helps them grow in confidence rather than me rascing and doing things for them. Advice here would really be helpful.

Yeah, that’s a great question. Um so firstly I would like to say that this is completely normal and developmentally appropriate and um children at 3 to five as your boys are or in general in that birth to six age they are going in from as from being attached and having you as a safety net to exploring and kind of developing their independence. And the main thing here is that as long as your child has learned the skill, so you know that they know how to brush their teeth, they you know that they know how to get dressed, all of that is kind of the the goal.

So if in the moment you know it’s a skill they have, but they’re looking for either reassurance from you or attention to use your word, they really are just looking for kind of connection. And um it’s it’s more about that time with you than actually can they independently do it themselves or not.

Um I wouldn’t try to look too much into you being more consistent or boundaries or teens when really it probably is just needing a little bit of a moment of that connection with their their parents. Um and it’s very common for children to go in between that um safety and security and kind of that um independence and exploration.

Question: When a child insists on the exact routine

Well, I think we have time for one more. Um Paula, I’ll read this one to you. Um I’d love to also hear about the flip side of routines. I have a four-year-old who is insistent that we stick to the same routine even when there’s a good reason to deviate. Like we get home late, so we have to shave off time of the bedtime routine. Paula.

Yeah, it’s that’s a very good question too because zero to six children or even can be seven or eight year old children um they are in a period of sense of order that’s very normal for every child and when something is different they notice it or they’re frustrated or they get disappointed. But we know life happens right and we need flexibility.

So here’s how to handle it with empathy and connection. First, acknowledge your child’s feelings. When they’re upset about the change, validate it. I know you’re disappointed. We don’t have time for a useful routine tonight. You know, that’s something that you can say when things change.

Um, and then second, prepare them in advance whenever possible. If you know you’ll be home late, talk to your child earlier in the day and remind your child again on the way home if possible. tonight like you know tonight we’ll get home late so bedtime will be a little different we’ll still do bath and books but maybe one book instead of two okay so that’s a good one then you may keep the order just like what I just um said an example you can keep the order but you can adjust the time you can follow the same sequence bath pajamas teeth story then cuddles but make each piece shorter like what I said earlier if you’re reading two books, you can do one, right?

So, this honors the routine structure while adapting to reality. And remember, this is actually teaching your child cognitive flexibility. So, one of those executive function we we we mentioned earlier. You’re modeling that routine, that routine that can bend without breaking. And that’s a valuable life skill. So, stay connected, stay empathetic, and your child will learn to adapt with you.

Closing

So that’s it. So thank you so much for being here with us today. We h we hope you feel empowered to start building routines that support your child’s independence and your family’s well-being. And remember, if you try these strategies and don’t feel like things are improving, please partner with your school director or teacher to create a personalized plan for you.

Lastly, we appreciate your feedback. Please scan the QR code on the screen or click the link in the chat to complete the survey. Thank you so much and have a great afternoon.